Today was one of those days when I question everything I know and understand about everything I know and understand. I sometimes find it difficult to understand the Ego—or more precisely—my ego. There are moments when I feel a significant need to define myself by what I do, to stand out based on what I represent and then there are moments when none of those things matter to me. There are moments when I feel the need to assert my value as a contributing member of society and then there are moments when I feel that I would rather move away to somewhere secluded and live my life devoid of being needed by anyone.
Today’s theme comes back to the differences between people—or more specifically—my perception of how I am different from other people. It’s an ego thing—that much I know. The ego thrives on the idea or the perception that it is somehow… different. The spirit—however—knows that we all carry the same essence, that we all originate from the same source, and that we are one. Oneness is something I know intellectually but have never understood experientially. In my form as a human, my eyes are clouded with the filter of differences. All my mind’s eye sees is how I am different from you, from him, from her and from them. It’s a paradox of the ego—it derives both satisfaction and suffering from being different at the same time. It’s like being complimented and insulted all in the same breath. That is what I find difficult to understand.
Something else that I find difficult to understand is how to operate in a world that is run predominantly on ego-based rules. How can I accept oneness when society thrives on differences? In the commercial landscape, the only question that needs to be answered before all other questions is “How are you different from your competitors?” or “What is your USP—your Unique Selling Proposition?” I find it difficult to imagine myself responding to those questions with an answer like this, “We are all one. There are no differences between us. All the differences that you see are completely artificial. It is the mind’s prerogative to keep us being different rather than the same. Therefore, I am no different from you, or him, or her, or them. The differences are just perceptions, nothing more.”
And then I am faced with a dilemma. If I were to function in accordance to society’s implicit ego-based rules then I would have to put aside everything I understand and believe about source and oneness, about flow and the universal laws. That makes me a hypocrite. It makes me inauthentic and that is the last thing I want to be. Nothing wounds the spirit quicker than being inauthentic. And I detest nothing more than having to do something that is expected of me rather than doing it because it is something I believe in. This much is clear—I don’t believe in a world that has to operate on ego-based rules. The rules themselves do nothing to raise consciousness. On the contrary, they breed perpetuity in unconscious existence and—often—the suffering that comes with it.
Underneath it all, I am always reminded that whatever the ego-based rules are, they cannot defy Universal laws. That is the only thing I understand. Everything else—I continue to question and ponder. To be different or not to be different? That is the question. I hope that—at some point—my spiritual antenna will be tuned to the right vibrational frequency to receive the answer to that question. For now, I’ll make do with what is.